The Family Bed
I have been wanting to write about this for some time and I just kept putting it off because I wasn't sure what I was going to write or if I was going to get statistics and figures for you. This is part of my problem with writing…and talking, really. My dad once said that I think about what I'm going to say for so long that by the time I actually say it the conversation has already passed. Well, today Mommy Mindset inspired me to just put it all out there, write the post, and forget all the facts, just be me!!
See that sweet little boy at the top? That's my boy!! He's turning 4 next week and I am proud to say that he sleeps in our bed. And I have no desire to change that any time soon!!
When Hubby and I met, we were both large people (still are, but we're working on that). He moved in with me in my apartment and was not comfortable sitting in the living room on my furniture. We would often watch TV in the bedroom and just hang out in there (minds out of the gutter, please). When we moved into a house, we tried having the TV in the living room again, but it just didn't work. He's just more comfortable in the bed. We've lost weight and got two large recliners and a big screen TV from my dad, but it's just become habit to "live" in the bedroom.
My little family spends a LOT of time in the bedroom. If we're home, and the boy isn't playing in his play room, we're spending time together in the bedroom. Now, we have a large King-sized bed and a larger TV in there. We eat there, do crafts there, I blog there. It's just our "family room".
I know it's different. When I was growing up, I went to visit a friend and her family was like this. I can remember sitting on the end of her parents' bed, eating pizza, thinking "this is so weird". About a year ago, we lived in an apartment for just a few months between rental houses and the neighbor boy upstairs spent the night with us when his dad had to work overnight. He was about 8 years old. That kid laid across the end of our bed watching cartoons with our son until it was time to go to bed and then we tried to get our son to go sleep in a tent in the living room with him, but he wouldn't go. I can see how that is going to be strange when our boy starts wanting to have sleep-overs.
Now, here's why I thought I was going to need statistics and all that…I am a Child Safety Specialist for Child Protective Services in Texas. According to Safe Sleep trainings I have attended (and taught) babies are not supposed to sleep in their parents' bed. The risk of rollover and SIDS increases dramatically (I don't have the figures) and it's just not safe.
So…I will tell you that our boy did NOT sleep in our bed until he was about 2 years old. I actually never would have dreamed that he would be in our bed at this point. It's just not how I was raised. We had a bassinet for him for about 2 months and then moved him to his crib. He never had a problem with either for the longest time. When he was about 14 months, we moved from the house we were in when he was born to that little apartment. In that apartment, he moved from his crib to a toddler bed and stopped using a pacifier. We were on a roll!! There were nights when he would cry and we would bring him to the bed, but mostly we would just go tell him we loved him and put him back to bed. He couldn't open the door so he would just fall asleep. About a year ago, we moved to a new house and he got a new toddler bed (Papa bought him a race car bed) and I don't think he has slept more than 2 nights in that darn bed.
Hubby and I have tried but we just don't have the strength to keep putting him back in bed, screaming, and leave him there. We also had an issue with our foundation in the rental house and the doors wouldn't latch closed so the boy can get the door open without trying. Heck, even the dogs would worry about him and push the door open..ugh!!
It's just been the last few months that I have really come to peace with the idea of the Family Bed. I started taking the time to evaluate our family time together and it's just so limited sometimes. Hubby and I work and the boy goes to daycare all day. Sometimes we get home after 6pm and it's time for dinner, bath, and bed, just like that!! Since our bed has become our living area, it just feels right for us at this point in our lives. It just warms my heart to have dinner, get in jammies, watch a show together, watch my boys wrestle around while I blog, turn the lights out so the boy can sleep, and then spend time with my husband while the boy sleeps between us.
I should mention that there are times when we move him after he falls asleep so we can have intimate time together, but there are other times when we take our intimacy into other rooms just so we don't have to move him. A few times when we've moved him, he has stayed in bed until 5am or 7am, but normally he's back by 1am or so.
He's a cuddle bug, but so am I and we just cuddle together all night. This morning, in fact, Hubby said he woke up and the boy was laying across me, head on my back, and we looked so peaceful.
Who wouldn't want to cuddle with a sweetie like this?!!
Crashed out with Aunt B and Aunt K.
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Great post Janet (as always). Thank you…
I, like most of the other ladies here, say–to heck with what others say. It should only matter what you want. All families work in their own direction, at their own speed and in their own shades of color…just enjoy the time you have with your family and you’re doing awesome! ({[**hugs**]})
barb recently posted..Giveaway: Family 4-PK to Sesame Street Live (Corpus Christi TX)
Hello, how are you? I have a son who is 4 and he switches sleeping with me and my husband as I have a bad back so I sleep on the couch but he used to sleep with the both of use. So come over to Mommies Point of View and see what my favorite memories of my daughter and nephew where.
Before I had a baby, I lived like that for a long time, in many different apartments. It got so that when I moved in somewhere, I’d just put the bed in the living room and have one big bedroom! Now with the baby, he sleeps in his room and we sleep in ours, and I like that we get some alone time every night when he goes to bed. I do miss eating dinner in bed sometimes!
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When I was divorced and a single mother of 1, I had a huge queen bed and my 1 1/2 yr old-4 yr old slept in my big bed with me. I had a crib for her when she was a baby and when my husband and I divorced, it just didn’t make any sense to have her in her crib on the opposite side of the same wall while I slept in my big bed when there was no possible reason she couldn’t sleep with me. I didn’t have to worry about sex or Sids, and honestly I was lonely so it was a good combo for us. When I moved apts to a large 2 bdrm I got her a twin bed and she had a large place for her toys but we continued to snuggle in my big bed. Then, 2 yrs later, my bf bought her a car bed and she transitioned into her own bed and it wasn’t a big deal. She loved her car bed.
All of my children have slept in my bed at some point or another, except for my oldest. She was always so independent. My three year old daughter crawls into our bed almost every night and snuggles up to me to sleep.
Melissa Haggerty recently posted..Pet Peeves!
My daughter still sleeps in my bed. She is 6. She has night terrors. This is what works for us right now. I’m sure people will have things to say about it. But people have things to say about everything. So I try not to think about that. I just try to do whats best for my child.
mistee dawn recently posted..5 on Friday – Favorite Holidays.
Yeah I used to be totally against it especially when I was a case mgr, but things changed having my own kid!
Darcy recently posted..Toy Review | Little People Zoo Talkers Animal Sounds Zoo by Fisher-Price
I don’t have kids, but I say if it works for your family, then that’s what you should do. As long as you are all happy, then who cares what other people think?
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If it works for you then all is good! Anytime spent together is good time. What does it matter what room you are in as long as you are together.
Melissa Lawler recently posted..5000 Fan Celebration Giveaway #3!
Being a single mom, I always had one of the three kids in bed with me or sometimes all of them. I feel there is nothing wrong with it even though some people might. It was my cuddle bond time with them when I could lie there and just talk to them. Now all grown though, Guess where I sleep? The living room! lol. If it work’s for your family than that’s awesome
I can tell you…I’m super jealous that he just crashes like that! My boys don’t do that! My 3 year old wanders into our bed sometime during the early morning hours and it’s nice, as long as he’s still. I think that if you have something and it’s working for you, who cares what others think?
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Thanks Gena..I’m sure things will change with #2 and he really needs to be in his bed before Kindergarten!!
We co-sleep as well. My daughter is 4 so we are slowly transitioning her. At home she will sleep on the floor now right next to my side of the bed. She is just getting so big – a bed hog really! But we are glad we did it, even through the hardships.
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I’ve been thinking about a bed/couch in the room to start the transition, but I will have to figure out what to do about the dogs..