Creative Consequences for Bad Behaviors

Benjamin is a good kid. He’s very sweet and kind. He’s friendly and likes to play with just about anyone. But lately we’ve seen a shift in behaviors and we have a few theories so it’s had us thinking about rewards and punishments. Today, I decided to share a few creative consequences for bad behaviors with you to help if you’re in this predicament as well.

Creative Consequences for Bad Behavior

As I mentioned, Benjamin has always been a very sweet kid. He always got along with all of his classmates and particularly, he loved to play with the girls. He’s never been a “rough and tumble” type of boy so we haven’t really dealt with much in the bad behaviors department. Don’t get me wrong, he still gets in trouble at home from time to time, but normally at school (and at child care) he might test a limit a little and then get back in line and be well-behaved again.

We’ve always praised Benjamin for his good behaviors and he’s always getting a “prize” or  a reward for his good days, so maybe we’ve spoiled him just a little. He’s earned almost all of the toys and rewards he’s received so I wouldn’t say he’s overly spoiled. We have also always punished him for bad behaviors and talked to him about what’s going on when he has a bad day or a bad moment. Some of the time he wouldn’t know why he did something wrong and some of the time his wrong-doings came at a time when he had just held it together too long and just needed to get it out of his system.

Lately, though (and especially yesterday) we’re seeing more and more acting out and Benjamin’s not talking about it so we don’t know what’s going on with him and it’s just time to start talking about consequences. Here’s the scenario: Benjamin got a note yesterday from school that he was “holding another student down on the ground” and the teacher called to talk to me about it. He told us that he didn’t want this boy to play on the basketball court with him and the other kids so he was trying to push the boy off the court. Somehow the two of them ended up on the ground and Benjamin was pushing his head into the ground. Another teacher saw them and stopped the fight and then took him to his teacher who actually defended him a little and said that he’s not normally like this and said she would handle it. She talked to him and told him that he couldn’t do that to other kids and left it at that. She asked me to have him write an apology letter to the other boy and I agreed that was a good start.

Howard and I were baffled that our sweet boy would be capable of doing things like this. First of all, who is he to say that another kid can’t play on the basketball court, then what in the world made him think he could push another kid, and finally, why would he continue to push his head into the ground once the two of them were down? Who in the world is this boy who is standing in front of me?

From experience, we know that normal spanking or yelling or even grounding doesn’t really do the trick with Benjamin. We’re going to have to be creative, which is why I came up with this list (through quite a bit of researching and asking friends on Facebook) of creative consequences for bad behaviors.

  1. Apology Letter – This one is a given and should probably be used after every bad behavior at school or child care, especially when it involves bullying or treating another child poorly. A letter should be written to the teacher or student (or both) that your child has wronged in some way. You may have to help him word the letter or it may be better to have him write what is on his mind. He most likely knows what he did was wrong and he knows what needs to be said.
  2. Essay Writing – If you child does not appear to know that what he did was wrong, writing a story or essay about the wrong behavior (after you have told him what was wrong about what he did) is a good idea. If he is too young for an essay, maybe a storyboard where he draws out what was wrong about what he did and then what he could have done different is a better idea.
  3. Hands On/Time In – We’ve all heard of Time Out, but as your boy gets older, he doesn’t need to be isolated to think about what he did or to help him calm down in the heat of the moment. What he needs is a Time In, also called Hands On, where he is actively learning about his behavior and doing something with his hands that is more productive. Maybe this includes chores or helping around the house. Maybe it includes picking some of his belongings to give to charity (I know my boy could stand to donate some toys). It was even suggested to me that I give my boy some yard work, physical labor, to do while he thinks about his poor decision.
  4. Writing Sentences – This is an old one, but a good one. When your child blatantly disobeys you, create a sentence or phrase that he must write repeatedly. The task is tedious and boring, but he will repeat this sentence in his head automatically when he is writing so it’s like you’re standing there repeating it in his ear over and over.
  5. Volunteer Work – This one is for a little older children, but truly most school-aged children can benefit from volunteer work. Find an organization in town that needs some help and get your child signed up. This may mean that your Saturday is taken up as well, but we’re raising the future society here, so you can sacrifice just this once.
  6. So Uncool – If your child is all about being cool and having the latest fashions or the coolest lunch box, see the photo above of Benjamin with a plain white t-shirt and a paper sack lunch. This is one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard for consequences. Take away your child’s fancy new clothes and replace them with plain white shirts and plain jeans. Take away his super cool lunch kit and replace it with a paper bag.

Speaking of you sacrificing, be aware of any consequence you give that you will likely have to “suffer” a little between hearing the whining or having to occupy his time with something outside the norm. Just think about that before you start handing out consequences willy-nilly. Whatever you decide, make sure your child knows that you are giving this particular consequence for this particular bad behavior and that if the bad behavior continues, then the consequences will only get worse.

What are your ideas of creative consequences for bad behavior?

Comments

  1. CourtneyLynne says:

    These are some really great suggestions! My daughter has been being not so pleasant lately… Might have to try some of of your tips on her

  2. My only concern about using volunteer work as punishment is the association. Volunteer work should be something the kid wants to do not something he has to do.

  3. Jaclyn Anne says:

    Your son looks upset in the picture with his brown paper bag, so I am guessing this consequence is effective. Have you found this punishment to be effective in deterring the problem behavior?

  4. Nicole Escat says:

    I don’t had idea, but I’m so thankful that you gave me a great idea. I could apply this in my son in the future.

  5. Nice idea. I would going to apply this to my kids in able to help them to shape their behavior.
    Onica{MommyFactor} recently posted..Star Wars: The Force Awakens Poster & Trailer Debut on ESPN #TheForceAwakensMy Profile

  6. These are definitely great ways to deal with bad behavior–he’s not about to forget these and hopefully what happened will never happen again.
    Michele recently posted..$25 PP/BN/Apple GC-WW-Laguna Heights Book 2-Ends 11/8My Profile

  7. Sometimes when a kid does not understand their bad behavior time out is ineffective so you have created a great list.
    Ana De- Jesus recently posted..Depression In A Broken ParadiseMy Profile

  8. Debra says:

    I really needed this post today. Thank you!
    Debra recently posted..Pepperoni LasagnaMy Profile

  9. These are some really good suggestions. I’m going to have to remember them for when my little man is older.
    Susannah recently posted..I’ve Got to Confess…My Profile

  10. These are some great suggestions. Open and consistent communication has proven to be the most effective means of stopping undesirable behaviors…and Grace. I show lots and lots of Grace. 😉

  11. Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says:

    Love these. We usually have our kids write sentences. They aren’t crazy about it, but at least they are doing something educational.

  12. This is such a wonderful and creative list. I did a few with my kids when they were growing up!
    Cynthia @craftoflaughter recently posted..A Fall Printable: Our Gift to YouMy Profile

  13. Kelly says:

    I think the volunteer time is a great way to help kids and not leave them feeling isolated or alone. Great ideas and parenting!

  14. My kids are teenagers I just take their phones away now… lol
    Nikka Shae recently posted..Back for Seconds: Taste of Atlanta 2015My Profile

  15. I love the volunteer work! What a creative option!
    Stephanie recently posted..3 Healthy Halloween Kids Treats and a Peanuts Trick or TreatMy Profile

  16. I have a toddler. so most of these he couldn’t really do right now, but I will keep these ideas in mind for when he gets a little older! Great tips!

  17. Helena says:

    at the moment I try to create the idea of natural consequences, such as if he’s acting out then he will run out of time to do something fun. As long as his dad doesn’t give in and allow him whatever I’ve denied, it works well!
    Helena recently posted..Off Duty DenimMy Profile

  18. Claire says:

    I’ll be sharing these with my parent friends, they look like great ideas for dealing with those naughty moments.
    Claire recently posted..Lynette’s homemade smoked salmon patèMy Profile

  19. Those are definitely creative. We’re not quite at the full-on discipline stage with our 1.5year old, but I’m sure we’ll be there in the blink of an eye!

  20. Bri says:

    I dont have any children yet, but I will need to remember some of these. Thanks for sharing!

  21. Jaclyn says:

    This is such a great list. I love the ideas you presented because they really help a growing mind wrap itself around why a behavior is hurtful or wrong. Logical consequences are the way to go.
    Jaclyn recently posted..What This Mama Wore: My First Polo GameMy Profile

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