Anger and Depression

Anger and Depression

Have you ever had a day just start out on the wrong foot and then end up not much better? You know, I think there’s some truth to the old saying “woke up on the wrong side of the bed”. Well, this morning was it for my little struggling family.

I guess you could say it started Monday evening when things were just off for us.

Howard had worked on cleaning the house all day and had put a lot of things out by the trash. When we got home, Benjamin lost it and thought that Daddy had thrown away too much so we had to go dumpster diving in our own front yard for a few items. This didn’t make Howard very happy, but he shrugged it off.

Benjamin’s little friend across the street was in town for one day so we skipped Boy Scouts and let the boys play together until it got dark outside. Of course, then Benjamin had to come home to homework and a few small tears because he’s going to miss his friend when he goes back to Florida again.

Howard was exhausted from his day so he crashed out and Benjamin and I finished up the evening together with the bedtime routine and he fell asleep in his own room.

I don’t get many evenings to myself and for some reason I was wide awake so I caught up on some blog chores, watched my soap operas, and just enjoyed my quiet until Benjamin woke up at 2am to come to our room because he had a nightmare. We cuddled up together and eventually he fell back asleep. I think I might have fallen asleep around 3:30am only to be woken at 6:30am by my alarm and Howard trying to wake Benjamin so he could go shower.

Then, all Hell broke loose on our little family.

Depression Check-up Anger and Depression

Howard began yelling at Benjamin to get ready for his shower. He was yelling about the dog peeing on his freshly cleaned floors. He was yelling about me not letting the dog outside when he fell asleep. He was again yelling at Benjamin to get in the shower.

Once he starts in on Benjamin, I start to get defensive and I was already tired from lack of sleep so I started in on him. I yelled at him for yelling at Benjamin (even though I’m typically the one yelling at Benjamin – I haven’t made my progress in my stopping yelling this year yet).

I yelled at him for yelling about me.

I yelled some ugly things and so did he.

We got into the ugly fight and things didn’t really calm down until Benjamin was out of the shower and I had cleaned up the pee in the living room.

By the time I was out of the shower, life was better, not great, but better. We made it to school in a good mood and Howard and I had a tense goodbye when he dropped me off at work. It didn’t get much less tense when he brought me lunch a few hours later and now it’s 11pm again and he’s been asleep so we haven’t really talked it out.

Lately, this has been a common occurrence in our house – the yelling, I mean. It hasn’t gotten this far before, but Howard and I are so on edge and Benjamin is feeling the tension as well. He is a little powder keg as well and will go off on the smallest things.

I think my depression, and Howard’s (possible) depression, is taking over our little family. I know that I’m a mess most of the time and I cry at everything. If I’m not crying, I’m pissed at something. My therapist (who had to discontinue my care due to his own brain cancer) said that my depression often manifests into anger because I have a lot of old feelings from my childhood and into my adulthood.

We’re not just resting on our laurels, though. We both have appointments for a psychiatrist because we feel like our primary care physician has done as much as he can do now and we’re just waiting it out.

I hope we can survive.

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other

In the meantime, I’m sitting here feeling guilt and shame for the words that came out of my mouth. I still feel anger over the words that came out of Howard’s mouth. I feel like dirt over what Benjamin had to hear (even though he didn’t hear the worst of it) and for the anger that is manifesting in his little mind lately. We should probably be scheduling him an appointment before long.

But this, my friends, is my life. It’s one symptom of depression after another and once I get one thing under control, something else pops up.

Do you deal with Anger and Depression? How do you manage yours?

Comments

  1. Erin says:

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! Depression is a beast to deal with!

  2. I’m so sorry that you are both going through this. I don’t like yelling, so when we are having a tensed morning like that, I just step back.

  3. So sorry for your struggles. But, I am confident you will make it through. The fact that you are actively seeking help is a huge plus! I think it’s when you try to get through it silently that it becomes too difficult. Good luck to you and your family!

  4. Stacey says:

    I love your quote! I also really like that you and your hubby are committed to getting it together and seeing life through. I hope that you both find a good doctor that can help you with the depression and with the skills needed to communicate and deal with the anger. It is not easy – that is for sure. And depression can run so deep and wide. But with the right help and skills people manage the disease. Good luck to you! xx

  5. This is kind of how I’ve felt all week long–I mean, not exactly the same, but sort of in a fog of just like negativity. I dunno why I’m feeling this way, but it’s nice to read this and think that I’m not alone!

  6. I’m so sorry you’re both dealing with this! I hope you’re able to find a new counselor who can help you through! <3

    • janet says:

      Thank you, Susannah! We have a few referrals, but it’s so hard to get in quickly.

  7. Things will get better. I’ve been through it before and as long as you keep trying, things will get better.

    • janet says:

      Thank you, Bonnie! We are committed to keep trying!

  8. You will be able to make it through all of this. Things might be hard, but you are doing the best you can and that’s perfect! Some days are harder than others, but it will all work out in the end. 🙂

  9. Giiirl… I have been there. It’s frustrating when we know we’re making a mistake and still can’t seem to stop ourselves from doing it. I would agree with your therapist about the childhood thing, though. I actually have a post about something similar scheduled for next week. The most important thing you wrote up there though is that you’re NOT resting on your laurels. You know what’s going on and you’re looking for a way to stop it. You’re aware and actively seeking help. That’s the best thing you do, so kudos to you. I hope today is going better for you.

  10. Sorry you are going through that. I can’t really offer advice or anything on that. I just hope you find peace.

  11. I’m so sorry you’re struggling… every relationship has peaks and valleys, all you can do is be proactive, work on things as a family and not give up!

  12. Lexie says:

    My anxiety and depression is so hard for me to deal with at times. I guess it is for all of us! I deal with mine by either doing yoga, doing a Crossfit workout, or writing. I guess I mostly turn to fitness. Or I will drink a cup of coffee or warm tea and it makes me happy ish! Thanks for sharing!

  13. Debra says:

    I love how open you are. It is so helpful for me to read this.

  14. Your such a strong person. Im sorry your having a difficult situation. Just stay strong and everything would fall into places.

  15. Mar says:

    The first step is recognizing that change needs to be made! You sound like a very strong person!

  16. Jaclyn says:

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but it sounds like you’re recognizing it…and that’s the path to improving it. I love that quote about not giving up. My husband and I definitely feel like marriage is just a huge test of faith haha! But we refuse to give up. 😉

  17. I am so sorry you are having a difficult time right now! Morning are so important to setting the tone for the day…and once we allow ourselves to succumb to negative thoughts and behaviors, it’s really hard to shake it and get back on track! I have found that spending some quiet time with the Lord in the mornings…whether in prayer, reading a devotional or the Bible, or listening to praise and worship music–really helps me to keep my focus on walking with Christ throughout my day. You cannot control the actions and feelings of others…but you can control your own! Love on your boy and remind him that tomorrow is a brand new day…and he is SO very loved! *hugs*

  18. I love your quote…it’s so true that marriages are all imperfect because we as individuals are all imperfect. Thanks for you raw honesty. It’s refreshing

  19. I curl up and cry a lot when my depression gets me, but I get very snappy as well which is never good, such an awful thing to have to deal with 🙁 x

  20. Gosh, we’ve all had those mornings when nothing goes right. You can’t beat yourself up over what happened. Just got to work on what to do next time.

  21. I love the quote in your image because it is the absolute truth. WANTING to work it out is half the battle. I know you two will be just fine. Everyone has bad days and arguments, it’s how we respond afterwards that matters.

  22. Jenn says:

    Oh you poor dears! I hope the appointments you have scheduled can help get you communicating without anger in the future for everyone’s sake. My husband has dealt with depression for many, many years, and thankfully it’s well moderated with daily medication, though there are still bouts of it from time to time (excess fatigue is one of his signs).

  23. My mom has depression now, I wish I can help her more 🙁

  24. Julia says:

    Mornings can be so hard and for me they always end up setting the tone for the day. I try to step out of the situation when I find myself yelling but it isn’t always easy.

  25. I love the last image because it is so true about a marriage. I learned not to be so angry and let things go for my own health. .

  26. I love the last image because it is so true about a marriage. I learned not to be so angry and let things go for my own health.

  27. When I get depressed I tend to withdraw to the point I don’t answer my phone which drives my friends and my Mom crazy because I live alone–no fears as long as I have my cat I won’t do anything drastic! I rarely get angry–but when I do–watch out. Hopefully all will work out for the best and you all can get some help.

  28. Shell says:

    Days like that are rough. Mornings around here can be pretty painful. Sometimes I have to take a step back and just say oh well, guess we’ll be late instead of us all screaming at each other. Though that’s not a solution for every morning.

    • janet says:

      Thanks, Shell. I really wish I had taken a step back rather than engaging in such a yucky fight.

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