Sharp Tongue in Marriage

Remember last year when I used to write every week about the reasons I love my husband? Remember how I got to reason #100 and then stopped? Well, I felt a little like that series had run its course, but Howard felt that maybe I just stopped writing them because I was upset with him and just couldn’t find any more reasons to love him. I wondered for a while why he would think that and then I realized that maybe it’s because of my sharp tongue in our marriage that tends to keep him down and keep him from receiving the praise he deserves from me.

Do you have a sharp tongue in your marriage?

I was reminded of this yesterday when I read about my friend, Esther, working on her marriage and as with all couples, Howard and I are continually working on our marriage as well. From her post, I thought twice about a conversation that Howard pointed out to me from the night before.

Benjamin and I had the evening together as Howard worked at the grocery store. We went to dinner and had some fun, but it was getting late and I was getting tired. My anxiety had reached a high point of the evening and I was ready to be home in my jammies. Howard knows this so when he approached the car after his shift, he quietly asked if I would be mad if he returned to the store to get his own dinner. I had the only debit card so I told him “of course not”. I mean, after all, he hadn’t eaten all day and he needed dinner.

When he returned a few minutes later with three bags, I found myself irritated and tried to ignore it until Benjamin asked “what is all this” and my sharp tongue lashed out and said “well, you know Daddy can’t go into a store and just buy one thing”. Ouch! I didn’t realize it at the time because I was so wrapped up in my own pain and anxiety, but I had just gotten mad at Howard for the exact thing I had told him that I wouldn’t! Being the pleaser that he is, he didn’t point this out to me until the next morning and then he gently said something along the lines of me saying I wouldn’t be mad and then getting mad. I was instantly humbled and I probably was too embarrassed to apologize as much as I should have.

I have to get this sharp tongue under control!

Do you find yourself with a sharp tongue in your marriage?


  1. Love this Janet! Working with ya! 🙂

  2. I did in my previous marriage but we were just toxic to one another Im happier now and I never find myself lashing out. We never fight bc ive learned to pick my battles.

  3. All. The. Time.

  4. Mari says:

    Uh – quite often. Thankfully, (not to my credit) I have no problem apologizing when I’ve been wrong.
    My dad won’t apologize for something to save his life. He thinks he should be forgiven when he starts joking around. WRONG-O!
    Anyway, that’s not the point of this post, I guess. So, yes…I have a sharp tongue at times. I’m also good at praising him, but he doesn’t remember those praises when I’m yelling at him for something.

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