Remember last year when I used to write every week about the reasons I love my husband? Remember how I got to reason #100 and then stopped? Well, I felt a little like that series had run its course, but Howard felt that maybe I just stopped writing them because I was upset with him and just couldn’t find any more reasons to love him. I wondered for a while why he would think that and then I realized that maybe it’s because of my sharp tongue in our marriage that tends to keep him down and keep him from receiving the praise he deserves from me.
I was reminded of this yesterday when I read about my friend, Esther, working on her marriage and as with all couples, Howard and I are continually working on our marriage as well. From her post, I thought twice about a conversation that Howard pointed out to me from the night before.
Benjamin and I had the evening together as Howard worked at the grocery store. We went to dinner and had some fun, but it was getting late and I was getting tired. My anxiety had reached a high point of the evening and I was ready to be home in my jammies. Howard knows this so when he approached the car after his shift, he quietly asked if I would be mad if he returned to the store to get his own dinner. I had the only debit card so I told him “of course not”. I mean, after all, he hadn’t eaten all day and he needed dinner.
When he returned a few minutes later with three bags, I found myself irritated and tried to ignore it until Benjamin asked “what is all this” and my sharp tongue lashed out and said “well, you know Daddy can’t go into a store and just buy one thing”. Ouch! I didn’t realize it at the time because I was so wrapped up in my own pain and anxiety, but I had just gotten mad at Howard for the exact thing I had told him that I wouldn’t! Being the pleaser that he is, he didn’t point this out to me until the next morning and then he gently said something along the lines of me saying I wouldn’t be mad and then getting mad. I was instantly humbled and I probably was too embarrassed to apologize as much as I should have.
I have to get this sharp tongue under control!