Well, I didn’t do so great over the holidays with my weight loss. In fact, I had a significant weight gain over the holidays that I’m not proud to talk about, but I figured if I’m going to tout my weight loss and talk about my successes then I might as well be honest and talk about my struggles as well. You all know that I did reasonably well over Thanksgiving and then I talked last week about how I had been on a terrible backslide so it was no surprise that I gained, but the number really took me by surprise. However, I’m already back on track and I even convinced Howard to get back on track with me this time!
When I was in Junior High, I had an awesome band director who was always very supportive of me. He had been my sister’s band director when she was growing up so he knew me and my family well. One year, during the holidays, I was struggling with my weight and my self-confidence (well, that was all the time when I was this age, I mean any age…anyway..) and I discovered the love I had for my grandmother’s fudge. I must have eaten a ton of fudge during that holiday season because when I returned my band director gave me a big hug and then proceeded to tell me that I looked like I had gained a little over the break. Ugh! Just like that, I was the most embarrassed person in the room (although I’m pretty sure nobody else heard him) and I was never quite as friendly with him after that. Even to this day when I see him, I think of this statement. I don’t know that it was intended to be harsh, but it was to me.
The reason I’m sharing this story with you today is that even back then I didn’t realize that I could gain so much over such a short break that it was physically noticeable. I mean if someone who sees me only once a day for an hour would notice a weight gain over the holidays, then surely the people around me (my friends and other classmates) had noticed as well. Now I think about my coworkers and my family who see me daily or weekly and I know they know that I’m trying to lose weight and they see me gaining. I tend to start the negative self talk and think that I’m not worthy of losing weight and feeling good about myself.
Last week when I shared about my eating frenzy over the weekend, I just knew that my family was looking at me eating and thinking what a shame it was that I couldn’t get myself under control. In just one month (12/2 – 1/2) I could gain so much weight that it would be physically noticeable and the scale would show the cruel number when I stepped on it again.
Well, here it is…
I gained 9.4 lbs this month!
What a shame. I’m no longer under my 10% lost body weight and I’m back up to 341.6 lbs. Howard had a 10 lb gain as well, but his was over the course of a couple of months (he hasn’t been to weigh in with me in a while).
But…like I said, we are already back on track and we’re in it together once again. It’s not a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a change in who we are as people and as a family.
We noticed over this holiday that our boy has discovered his love of chocolate, pie, candy, and even ice cream (he could take it or leave it before now) and he has been asking for dessert much more often. We recognize that we need to set a better example for him and we’re doing that now.
We recommit to this lifestyle everytime we fail and I know that someday it will stick. Hopefully, with this year, we will be taking action and changing our lives for the better and feeling better about ourselves so that we can continue to raise a happy, healthy boy…and maybe someday, a baby girl!