I started writing last week about my depression and I don’t know if I portrayed what I wanted to portray right away. I really just let the words flow and it brought about some memories, some lack of memories, and a whole lot of support from friends, readers, and even family.
I did it again. I let the words flow and I didn’t get around to the message I’m trying to send. It’s all going to be a happy ending, I promise, but in the meantime, thank you for sticking around while I process it all on my blog. Please come back each week as I work on this story.
Because of that post, and a little prodding from a family member, I reached out to my dad to tell him about my post and this series. My dad follows my blog on Facebook and occasionally likes a status update. He watches what I’m doing on my personal Facebook so he knows quite a bit about what it going on. He hasn’t figured out (that I know of) how to click through and actually read my blog. Hopefully someday he will do that.
I talked to him about why I’m writing this and a little about what I’m writing. I asked him if he was okay with me sharing about our family on a public forum. His response: “If you ain’t lying about me, I think it’s good”. I love my Daddy.
My dad has known for a long time that I finally received a diagnosis of depression in college. I think he may have thought for a while that I was just “down in the dumps” or lonely. He has been so supportive of me since I start making changes and recognizing my emotions. He worries WAY too much about me and my sisters and our children (and not nearly enough about his own health).
My daddy is a good man and a good role model for us and for his grandchildren. He will tell you that he made mistakes in the past, during my childhood, but those mistakes pale in comparison to the man he truly is and the person I strive to be.
I also talked to my dad (FINALLY!) about the sexual abuse that I experienced when I was a kid. I’ve mentioned here before that I was abused by a neighbor kid when I was younger and I never told anyone at the time. I don’t remember how old I was, but I remember the act, the where and the what, and I told my dad about it. He said he “didn’t like that at all” and that he “never liked that kid anyway”, but I assured him that there was nothing he could have done because I didn’t tell anyone at the time. I just stayed away from the kid after the one and only incident.
Going through the memories of my childhood is probably not going to be fun, but I can already feel the cleansing this is doing for me. I was a shy, quiet child and apparently scared of my own shadow (as well as everyone else’s shadows, too) but this series is going to change my life – it already has by opening the door to talking more to my dad – and I love that you all are here to change with me.
Maybe when I finish, I’ll make over the whole blog and change the name to something like “Went Crazy, Don’t Wanna Go Back” – haha!
Do you have something from your childhood that you never shared with your family, but you know you should? Try sharing it now and you might be surprised at the support you receive.
It took me sharing here, a family member to remind me that I might want to share with my dad, and the courage to talk to my dad when he was *almost* alone (my little sis was there with me, thank goodness!), and I received a lot of loving and caring support from him.
I’m linking up to Pour Your Heart Out.