I don’t want him to know…

As first time parents, there are so many things that we do wrong and learn from our mistakes. The Boy has gone very easy on us and been an easy child up to this point and we want to protect him from as much as we can. All I can hope for is (a) he lives through it all and (b) he can find a good therapist when he’s older to help him get past it all. 😀

There are some of the things; however, that we haven’t succeeded in protecting him from up to now and I pray for the strength to get past these moments in life so that maybe, just maybe he won’t remember…

Here’s my list (maybe I could turn them into August 30 resolutions…you know, like New Year’s resolutions, but actually follow through…):

(1) I don’t want The Boy to (a) be fat or (b) be embarrassed that his parents are fat.

Hubby and I are big people…I mean fat!! We don’t eat right, we don’t get enough activity… We started a weight loss program and did really great for about six months (I lost 90lbs, Hubby lost 160lbs) but we slacked off for the holidays last year and never got back to business. We’ve both gained and it seems a little out of control again.

So far, The Boy seems to be pretty slender and he eats light. He doesn’t care for ice cream very often (our downfall most of the time), but he enjoys chocolate candy and chocolate milk. We don’t keep that stuff in the house very often because he can get that at Papa and Granny’s house every Sunday so I think we’re making good choices as far as he is concerned, but we are not setting good examples.

(2) I don’t want The Boy to know that we’re broke.

When Hubby and I met, neither of us were great with money. We had no real responsibilities, except to take care of ourselves, and we were both pretty selfish people… We haven’t changed much… We spend frivolously, we don’t budget, we don’t save (except for our 401K and retirement), we have tons of debt (none in good standing), and we never have money on hand when we really need it (i.e. we haven’t had air conditioning in the Jeep in over a month).

Don’t get me wrong, we take care of The Boy’s needs first, but we also shower him with tons of gifts and “prizes”, we “splurge” on things for ourselves because we feel we’re depriving ourselves. We have talked about different budgeting ideas. I listened to Dave Ramsey’s program and LOVED it. We had budget counseling with our Pastor. We started couponing and trying to live more frugally. We just haven’t buckled down to get it under control. We are never on the same page when it comes to “where do we start?!!”.

(3) I don’t want The Boy to be exposed to our smoking.

I figure this one is going to get people’s attention and I’m going to hear about how the second hand smoke is dangerous for him and this should be #1 on my list. I know, I know, I know…!!!

Hubby and I have smoked since before we met, increased after we met, I quit when I was pregnant and for about 2 months after The Boy was born, but started back up again when I started working…and have vowed to quit so many times I cannot count anymore.

You would think I would have quit when The Boy first told me, “Mommy, get you swiggerwets and let’s go outside to play” or when he put a Twizzler in his mouth and said, “look, my swiggerwet” or last Sunday when he got a cigarette out of Hubby’s pack, took it to him, and said, “here you go, Daddy, let’s go outside”… Ugh!!!

What do you wish you could change about yourself before your children are old enough to remember? What do you wish you HAD changed before now…that your children know about you? Where do you find the strength to change so drastically and stay changed??!!


  1. Joan says:

    Janet – rmember it isn’t a crime to be broke. My husband and I have probably made more financial mistakes than most people, but we are slowly becoming debt free. It isn’t easy to change spending habits – I know first hand.

    And weight….well I need to lose a lot. Remember, God loves you just as you are and He will help you to overcome any problems, weight, debt, quitting smoking. In our on strenght we will fail, but relying on His strength enables us to move forward.


    • janet says:

      Thank you for this reminder and encouragement…I will rely on Him!!

  2. Yeah…when I was about 2, I picked up a crayon and put it in my mouth like a cigarette. I looked at my mom and asked if we could go smoke. She quit cold turkey right then – and I’ve never had a cigarette…ever. If you know the risks that you are exposing him to, then there is nothing in the world anyone can do or say to make you change your habits. You have to love yourself enough to want to do it. Best of luck!!


    • janet says:

      Love myself…that’s probably the biggest struggle…

  3. Shanda says:

    My children are old enough to know all my bad stuff now! But..i think it is ok if our kids know we are broke. I’ve told my kids we didn’t have the money for stuff and they never suffered for it. In fact, they are all now very wise spenders

    • janet says:

      I think it’s good for him to know we’re broke on some level…I think I just wish we could “model” good spending for him, rather than him learn from our mistakes!! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!!!

  4. dysfunctional mom says:

    I always promised myself I’d lose weight before my kids got in school so they wouldn’t get picked on. I didn’t do it soon enough, but I did have gastric bypass surgery 3 years ago so I have finally lost the weight. I hope my kids never got picked on, if they did they never told me.
    We have always, and still do, struggle with money too. I am pretty open with my kids about it and tell them to work hard and go to college so they’ll have more money than us!
    The thing is, everyone out there has something they’re not proud of, we all have our crosses to bear. Good luck getting yours in control!
    Thanks for linking up! =)

    • janet says:

      Thank you so much for the encouragement…and for the linky!!

  5. Kay says:

    Quitting smoking was the hardest thing for me!! It’s been years and there are still days when I just want one, just one would make me calm again.

    Losing weight is so hard!! I keep trying to start… but…. oh well.

    • janet says:

      Ha!!! The main problem behind all of this…I just don’t wanna… *whine*
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!!


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